A Letter for the Ashes
by Markee
Summary: Hermione knows his secret. "You did it to make yourself look better. You didn't really care about the outcome. You die you go down as a hero, you live and we win then your seen as an idol, a savior, an example, a hero just like you wanted to be seen as."


A Letter for the Ashes

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the letter, the plot, and the passion. :)

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**A Letter for the Ashes**

"I never thought we'd end up like this. Nor did I think I'd ever find myself in this predicament. But this is the best choice for both of us. Or maybe it's the best choice for me. I mean we both know how selfish I am. Many people like to think I'm such a great person and an even greater hero for doing what I did during the war. But we both know I did it to save face. Your probably the only one who knows the reason behind my every action. I remember when we had won the battle and everyone was so happy for me. I simply smiled and slipped quietly away, thinking that nobody would notice. But to my dismay you had followed me. Or maybe you were there before I was. But do you remember our conversation. I do. I remember it like we just had it one second ago. It's one of the rare things that still bring a smile to my face.

"Congratulations."

"On what, the battle? It was nothing."

"I know why you did it."

"Did what? Are we still talking about the battle. Be clearer Hermione dear."

"You did it to make yourself look better. You didn't really care about the outcome. You die you go down as a hero, you live and we win then your seen as an idol, a savior, an example, a hero just like you wanted to be seen as."

I remember I was completely dumbfounded. I had no idea what to say to you. I mean you the brightest witch of our time, and probably of all time had figured out my secret. The person who isn't that bright when it comes to her own feelings, let alone other people's feelings had figured out my most precious and guarded secret. Do you remember what you said after your great announcement?

"Don't worry, I will never tell your secret. Everyone is entitled to at least one secret in their lives."

And then you turned around and casually walked away. Your simply walked off like the only thing you had said to me was have a nice day. You didn't give me you know-it-all look, you just kept walking away from me never looking back to see my reaction. I think that was the moment I found out how extraordinary you were. Well how extraordinary you are. It was also that moment when I fell in love with you. Yes Hermione Granger, I finally said it, I love you.

You know that stupid question. The one that would always drive you to the brink of insanity. The one that I would banish from the human, animal and any other speech in the world. Yes the question, 'If you could change anything in you past, what would it be?' I remember you would stay up for weeks on end, writing down every little thing that you would change, until you'd finally fall asleep from exhaustion. I remember the last time it happened. Probably the worst of all. It had been four weeks since you had last left you desk. The only thing that kept you going was coffee, another thing I've come to fully despise. Who was the idiot who had asked you that question, I believe that it was Percy. But before I get onto the subject of how badly I want to kill him, I would like to get back to my story. Now where did I leave off. Oh yes, it had been four weeks since you had moved from your desk. I'd stare at you from the door way and all I could see was the back of your bushy hair, you hunched over your desk, papers flying around you and your quill writing feverishly. Papers floated all around you, some were blank and others had what you would change on them. I'd lay down on my bed and all I could hear is your quill writing on those blasted pieces of papers. I'd close my eyes and all I could see is your list of what you would change. It was worse than any nightmare that I had ever experienced. And after four weeks of not sleeping I finally got the courage to try and force you to sleep. As we both know, that is one of my most treasured memories.

"Hermione go to sleep, please. Making this list won't change anything."

"Don't let Ron die, Don't let Luna die, Don't led Fred die…"

"Hermione stop! Enough of this nonsense!"

As I screamed those words at you I grabbed your hand. Breaking you quill in the process. Not one of my smartest ideas, wouldn't you say?

"Nonsense? Nonsense? Have you ever thought about this seriously?! Have you! No you haven't because you never take anything seriously. Just because you are known as a hero to other people. But I see the real you. The one who is so fucking selfish that it should be against the law. So don't tell me what I am doing is nonsense just because you don't believe in it. Just because you have no compassion for others. Just because the life you live a charade! Because you, you are nonsense!"

And once again, you Hermione Granger left me speechless. And it wasn't because of anything you said, it was because of the look in your eyes as you said it. Your chocolate brown eyes turned a different color, more like dark chocolate. And the way you looked at me, like your heart was being broken. All the pain you were feeling because of that question I saw it in your eyes. It was like I was drowning in all your sorrows and there wasn't any way I could escape. As your eyes started to swell up with tears, I could feel tears of my own forming in my eyes. Yet I couldn't wipe them, I couldn't even blink. It was like all your pain was smoke and it surrounded us both, yet it was only suffocating me. And then it happened. You broke down and started to cry. Crying is more like an understatement. It was like a dam had been broken, like something inside of you had broken and let all of your pain come out of your body through your tears. All I did was hold you in my arms rocking you back and forth, telling you it was going to be okay as my own silent tears fell down my face. How long we sat there is beyond me, it could've been a couple of hours, or a couple of days. But do you remember what I told you after you had shed most of you tears and you were starting to drift off.

"Hermione, I do wonder about the past and I could go crazy. And sometimes I feel I might go crazy. But then I'll see you smiling, or even yelling at me and I know that no matter how many things I could change in the past everything that happened between me and you from all the fights to the moment that I knew I adored you is one thing I would never change for my whole existence."

We had an amazing bond, and our relationship was flawless. Yes we had our fights, but to me they were perfect as well. Between us was an unspoken agreement. Neither of us ever said I love you to the other. It just wasn't done. We both knew we loved each other. We loved each other more than should have been legally acceptable. Yet we never said it. It was like if we used the word that the magic between us would be gone. No pun intended. It was as if our relationship would crumble if we used the word. So we would substitute it with words like adore, or cherish but deep inside we'd know it would really mean that we love one and other.

I remember the first moment when we both knew that we loved each other. It was when we were sitting by the lake watching fire consume a wooden boat. It wasn't that we couldn't put out the fire. It was that we didn't want to. Not only was it consuming the boat but it consumed us as well. Do you remember what was spoken between us. Or more importantly what wasn't spoken between us.

"I just love fire. It's so beautiful yet strong. It's something that can be both created and destroyed. Yet it cannot forever be destroyed and it cannot forever be created. It is something that everyone will get to experience in their life and in that lies the magic."

"Very deep for someone who isn't into destructive things my sweet Hermione."

"Yes I suppose. But the fire is kind of like us. We were created, and one day we will be destroyed."

"Is that the only similarity you see between us and the fire?"

And as your eyes met mine, our unspoken agreement was met. It was the fire that had connected us. Something that we thought perfectly represented us. And it was on that night that we discovered the fire that was between us. It was the first night that we made love.

So now I want to tell you that I love you Hermione. I have always loved you, and I will continue you to love you no matter what. I know I must sound like a jerk, and you must think i'm a coward. I have finally said I love you and yet I cannot say it in person. And for that I'm sorry. But just know that I will always love you."

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"Hmm, your such a coward. If being a coward was something that could be awarded it would be given to you."

Hermione said to no one in particular. But if you were her, or the person she was calling a coward than you would know her meaning behind it. She sat in an old style rocking chair. It had been painted a gold color with tints of red. She sat in front of a fireplace and as she finished reading the letter she threw it into the fire.

"Fire connects us in a way that we cannot understand. It is how we learn to live, how we learn to love. It is a weird thing. How love and live are so close together. I mean in the way that they are spelled. I mean if you just substitute one letter you have another word with another meaning. Are the spelt like that because they are so closely related together. Just like our child is named Ire. If your simply add a F in front of the name than you spell fire. The thing had helped create our child. Hmm, how I cherished a coward like you so much is a wonder to me. But I'm not ready to say the word that binds us. Because if I say it, then it'd mean that we have come to the end. But I do not think that is the case."

Hermione closed her eyes and let her left had rest on her stomach, while her right hand rested on a stack of papers. If you could look closely enough you could see that they were copies of the letter than she had just thrown into the fire. She opened up her eyes as she picked up another copy of the letter and began to read it. As silent tears fell from her eyes.


End file.
